hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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