I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I won't apologize to a one balled man
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
