There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
