you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize