It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
