my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
