I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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