I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
