My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We don't watch enough power rangers
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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