My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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