STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
