Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
