we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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