maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
whose parrot is this?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
