just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
