Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize