Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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