I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Randomize
