alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
