you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
