I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
