im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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