Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
