is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
