Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
