At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
