I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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