my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i already hear my dad disowning me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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