Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
