I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
