I just cut my nipple shaving
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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