I wish I could teleport
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
