idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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