i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize