Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
