Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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