maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
