It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
