also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dick very happy bro
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
