i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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