if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
