Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
