True but thats because hes a fetus.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Im part way to drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
