$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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