ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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