Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
