You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
