So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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