tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
