Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize