if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
