well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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