She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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