it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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