Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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