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Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
