i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
