I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
