someone threw a dead crab at me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk is a universal language darling
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