Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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