so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
