We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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