Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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