Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
