Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
BRING THE BAGELS
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
