Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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