This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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