YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
