and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love black thongs
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
