Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
